You can't stop love... or obsession.

"Have you ever been in love?"
-Harley Quinn, 'Suicide Squid'

This question and quote from the movie is a very good question, it's almost likely that everyones been 'in love' at one point in time, maybe there first love.

Well this time i'm focusing on first love, have you ever been so in love with someone that even thinking of a certain look that they give is the most important thing at that moment, what if they dont think the same thing about you, what then? Thinking of their beautiful blue eyes just kills you a little inside, thinking of that time they made you you smile like crazy, that time wasnt so far behind, just yesterday actually. Well what if they dont care when you smiled, what if they cant remember your eyes because they dont care, what then? Just thinking of the beautiful aspects of their personality and the way they smile that crooked smile, well who do you think of as soon as I say that, I think of my punk. What if he doesnt think your personality is beautiful? What if his favorite thing isn't your smile, or better yet, what if isn't anything about you, what then? Thinking of his tan skin in the sun, thinking of his gorgeous dark, dirty blonde hair in the wind, just going wild. Well what if he doesnt think about your light brown hair, he probably isn't even thinking about your pale skin because he doesn't care.

This hurts the most, knowing someone doesn't love you the way you love them. Knowing that their past history shows they move on quicker than a bee moving to the next flower to pollinate. Why is it so hard to move on for you, why can't you be just as heartless as them? Now here you are listening to music about getting high to forget but once again, you come down, you remember again, but this time in more detail. You have to keep yourself distracted from thinking of them 24/6... leaving out that seventh day, that day you sleep and get high and sleep again, the only day your memory gets a break. You're tired of being in this town, you're tired of being in this state, and you're tired of yourself still loving someone from 7 years ago. So you do the unthinkable, you make yourself go right back through the same process hoping it'll be a different outcome, it hurts but you think maybe this time you can be as crazy as he wants and needs you to be. So you go to his facebook page and you try to think of a least desperate way to get ahold of him, but before you go doing anything, you stare at his new girlfriend and you remember. You remember when you was that new girlfriend, the girlfriend that no one knew about and that girlfriend that couldn't quite make him as happy as he wished, you couldn't be that girlfriend that he could show off. You start to miss those not so late conversations and you start remembering those cute smirks that he sent you over that picture app, you start remembering all the trouble you went through, that he knew nothing about, just to keep him talking to you and for your mom not to find out. He is your soul mate, you dont say was because he still is yours in your head, you start thinking maybe you're obsessed and crazy but you cant help yourself because hes just perfect for you. You want him to notice you but he doesn't and so you make him notice you, you help him cheat on his girlfriend, you help make her cry because you want to make every female he gets with to know that you can have him whenever you like. It works, but only for a week or two, he just stops talking to you and he starts talking to another girl, saying he loves her within a week or two, the same duration it takes for him to stop talking to you. You find yourself going a year or two without talking to him, maybe even longer because you force yourself to try and move on, you go through a few long term relationships but none last because you get so disgusted and annoyed with them that if you don't stop dating them then youll end up hating them, you dont want to hate anyone so you leave them. They have fallen in love with you but you don't care, you already love someone, these guys were just to try and lessen the feeling.

It's been four days since you guys started talking, you did that not so desperate attempt to get him back, again. You guys are going good, he is breaking up with girlfriend and moving back home to be near you, you are finally 18 and your mom doesn't care what you do, her rules are just two things, don't get pregnant and finish college. Simple and you're going to stick to the plan, you set ground rules as if things will last this time and he understands and agrees with everything, as if he wants to be with you this time. He tells you he got another job to pay for his car getting fixed, he tells you that it'll be fixed in no time. You count down 20 days and you get yourself overly excited, just to have your heart drop to your stomach every time he doesn't answer your texts or snaps. You figure you're just obsessed, so you try to look uninterested to try and get him interested, he knows the game and plays it back. Then you think, what if he doesn't feel the same as you, what if he sees this as a game and he doesn't love you like you love him. Here comes the guessing game until he get's back, if he get's back.